Fighting through the storm.

You know when everything inside of you is slowly crumbling and you feel as though, if something doesn't change soon, your insides will just dissolve, you'll be left empty, not just feeling empty. But literally. So you lay on your bed for ages thinking of who you could talk to, who you could pour your inner thoughts out to.

"Who would possibly understand? I wouldn't know where to begin. They'd think I'm just being silly and crying over nothing. They'd tell me to, "Get a grip girl." Yeah. You start wondering if your troubles are even worth telling, if your words mean anything, if your thoughts have a point. You tell yourself that if you even begin to open up and pour everything out that the words would turn into sobs and that once that first tear drop falls, you won't be able to stop.

So what do you do? You curl up into a ball and hide your face, you lay there with your head buried in your bedding, and the material is left to soak up your tears. You try to stay quiet and not let anyone hear you crying because you don't want to give a reason why. You feel hopeless and that everything is lost and your world is just completely collapsed before you and you cant seem to get back up and start walking again. You think, "What is the point?"

You do nothing and spend days just staying at home, not wanting to see anyone. Not bothering about your outward appearance because you think, "What's the point?" When people at home talk to you, you try and just act normal and keep laking so that they won't suspect the slightest thing wrong. You smile too much for fear of them seeing you sigh or look even the slightest upset. and you don't realise that that's just making things worse.

 

Sometimes all you can do is wait. Ever been in this situation? I have, and I've learnt that for me, I can't go and tell somebody what's going on inside because i haven't had that person to go and talk to. Sad i know. But, that's ok, we have to remember that these times only make us stronger. We always always get through them, somehow we manage to push forward. We have to. When were in that place that we cannot get any further down, the only other way is up. Though that seems a whole blur at the time. But we have to. We do. Always. Stay strong.

Fully consumed

 

>>>Over the past few months, I've just begin to realise how much i want and need more of God. So many times i put other things in the way, things that causes blockages, stopping me from getting closer to God, not intentionally, but without even knowing. But i just can't do that any more.

 

I'm tired of just going round in the same cycle, one week getting really excited and fired up about God and living the right way for him, then the next week, having a bit of a downer and doing things that perhaps aren't quite pleasing God and binging glory to his name. I don't wanna be like that anymore, i don't want to do it anymore.

 

I just want so much more of God, i cant even explain. I love him so so so so so much, i want to be completely consumed by him and full of him! I want him to be my absolute everything. I want my whole life to be about and for him. Everything! Instead of relying on people, i want to rely and should be relying fully on God.

 

As my tears begin to fall as i write this and as they have many times before, i offer them to God, asking him to take them and see that they are real, from my heart. I just love him sooo much and want to be sooo much closer. He's so amazing and he's done so much for me and so many other people. The least i can do is fully surrender my life to him.

 

I love you Lord, thank you for this life and help me to glorify your name more and more. Fill me up God. xox

 

P.s A huge thank you to Hannah for guest posting on my blog! Love you!!

Neverland is for me

A thoughtful line or two (okay maybe more!)

"We cry out to God, who we cannot see God, and sometimes we doubt who we really believe in. We are to hold tight to what we know of the true and living God, even when we think no one hears us. God is always by our side, or omnipresent, whether we see it or not. We are never alone when we have our faith tied to Christ. I encourage myself and you all to remember that when things are going downhill in our lives, when we think life is meaningless, or even when we think no one cares. Hold tight to your faith!"

- Joshua Tran

"These two things I know. That I fail so many times in my life, I make mistakes, I fall, I'm human. But my God is ever constant, ever loving, never changing, His love for me is endless and His forgiveness without description. I am loved with an everlasting love...and His perfect love casts out fear. LORD, I stand in awe of who You're making me to be...and in amazement of Your great love for me. ♥" -Raquel Duarte

I feel like im lost somewhere out in sea, like ive fallen asleep by the shore and the waves have just swept me away and their now crashing all over me. Which has left me sore and bruised, not everything is amazing. Its not all pretty and laadi da presently. I dont even fully understand it all myself, in fact, i cant even think of a single bit of it that i understand. Yesterday i just found it all really hard, i tried to talk to people about it but that didnt really work, so i thought perhaps i should be talking to God about it. So i went for a long walk, even though it was wet and cold out, i didnt care, i just needed to go. So i walked through the fields and prayed and talked to God out-loud and told him everything, even though he already knows, it just felt good to get it out. Then i prayed a whole lot. Then it started getting kinda dark so i thought it'd be wise to go back home. So once back, not long after, i went to bed, though i didnt sleep much but ah well. This morning was alright, i felt fine, but then i let the enemy get in again and when i was back home after college, it was like whoosh, and it all came back. It hurt, like a alot and i perhaps said some things that i shouldn't have said to my family. I'm just trying to drink lots of tea and keep quiet and relax and sing to God now. So im asking you, to please spare a prayer? Just that i get some peace.. love you all xox

Little things and a bit of a ramble...

Guess what, im feeling thoughtful again, seriously, why doesn't my mind just stop for a little holiday? lol. Its like when im lying in bed at night and im trying to sleep and then my mind just gets flooded with thoughts and i end up faffing about things i forgot to do or conversations that i had with people, or things that are going to happen soon and all that kinda stuff. Its kinda crazy, so then i cant sleep, so i sometimes get some paper and a pen and quickly just write it all down and then i can just leave it there and write at the bottom of the paper.. "Pray about it". So then sometime daaaaays later ill find that scrap of paper and read the silly list and i see the bottom of the paper where it says to pray about it, so i do. I either do that - write it all down then pray or write a song cus thats good and you can sing about everything and add silly little tunes and hummms and lalalas.
So yeh, ooh, that was a little long and rambly, i dont even know why i said all that but im leaving it now cus im tired and need some sleep (too many late nights..)

So yeh...little things...
I love it when those little things in your day make you smile,

. When a person doesn't let go from a hug even after you do.
. Backrubs
. Waking up in a good mood.
. Sleeping with the windows open in the summer.
. Finally seeing someone you've missed.
. Laughing all of a sudden because you remembered something funny.
. Handwritten messages inside greeting cards.
. When someone pronounces your name correctly
. The smell of the ocean.
. Finding a song that describes exactly what you feel.
. Perfectly toasted bread.
. Receiving good advice.
. Unexpected compliments.
. Finally arriving at your destination after a long journey. 

There a few little things that have stood out to me the past few days!

Anyway, now here's a bit of a ramble about college, so i was like really scared about college, it just sounded big and scary and big and weird and big. Cus im 14 and all the other students there are like 16+. So im like the youngest there. Eee. Scary thought. Buuuut, actually college is great, its really good. It still is a bit nerve-wrecking sometimes, especially, as i dont know anyone there apart from my brother so when i walk in a classroom everyone just like, stares. lol. But ah well. It'll be fine. God's put me there and i know he's with me. So its good :-) The only downer about college is that, i cant have any late nights, cus i have to be up at like 6:30am in the morning so i cant stay up late, cus i tried that and uh, it didnt work, i was so tired and i still am but slowly im learning, so i have to make myself be in bed for a certain time, lol. 

That's enough rambling from me.
Have a blessed week bro's and sis's!

:-)

Counting the tears

Ha. I cried a bit today 

or maybe a little bit more than a bit, 

but i dont know,

 im not counting the tears.

Tears are ok 

'cus someone made me smile. :-)

So im not counting the tears.

σκέψης σχετικά με τις νέες

σκέψης σχετικά με τις νέες - Greek.

Lately ive been thinking, a new year in my life started on Tuesday 27th March. Been thinking about, that word 'new'. Ive made a whole lot of mistakes in the past and i still do and i dont want to carry on like that, now dont get me wrong, im not saying that i will never ever make a mistake in my life again, because boy, you bet i will. Not that im planning on or just expecting too, but lets face it, i am gonna make mistakes. 

But hallelujah ive got a God who'll forgive me, who'll pick me up when i fall, who'll love me no matter what i do, a God who will give me the strength to say "No", watch over me and keep me safe. Thats amazing, just typing that all out and then reading it, makes me thing "gosh, he really does all that.. for me" amazing. I want to feel different, to feel new in this next year in my life. I want something to happen. I'd like to see a change. I want to be awakened.

 Μέχρι την επόμενη φορά ....